The lifter of my hands and heart 

I awoke that morning nauseated from the burning sensation of swollen hands caused by muscle inflammation from fibromyalgia.  I stayed in bed, not moving a muscle as I felt my knees, back, hand’s and fingers pulsating to the beat of my heart.  "I really can't get out of bed", I contemplated.  I slightly turned my head to glance at the clock on the cherry nightstand and noticed it was 7:30 AM.  I laid there half an hour talking to myself, " I shouldn't even attempt to get out of bed feeling this miserable".  I turned my head again and saw the shiny numbers on the digital turn over to 8:00 AM. "Get up I thought you only have one hour to get up, get dressed and get to Bible class before it begins." Finally I scooted my body to the edge of the bed and rolled over onto the floor with a big thud.  I gathered my stiffened body up off the floor and stood up.  "Well I'm standing I might as well get ready now", I chided myself.  I slowly walked over to the sink picked up my toothbrush and paste and started to brush my teeth while looking down so I wouldn’t have to look at myself in the mirror.  I walked over to the closet stepped into a skirt and put on a blouse and drove to class. When I arrived I walked into the praise service with my hands and fingers still throbbing.  We sang a few songs, then we sang, "Thou oh Lord art a shield about me."  As I was singing I pictured the Lord holding a shield around my body to protect me. Suddenly I became aware that even though the pain was still there I had forgotten about myself, about my body. As we sang "You are the lifter of my head," I noticed my hands were slightly raised.  Wow, I thought you are also the lifter of my hands.

God was able to change my attitude of self-misery and my complaining spirit to a worshipful attitude that focused on him and not myself.  He had touched my heart through a song.  Thank you God.  I pondered.  For when I'm focused on you, you become a shield about me to protect me from my own self-misery. 

Suddenly I thought about how difficult it was to get out of bed that morning especially when I had to rely on my own strength to roll me onto the floor.  What would have happened if the very first words out of my mouth would have been "Thank you God for this day, help me to rely on your strength today."  I would have saved myself the consequences of complaining plus I may not have even minded the inflammation. 

When the praise hour was through I stood up and walked outside. I looked down at my swollen hands and feet and then looked up and whispered, "May my hands be quick to serve you and my feet swift to follow".  

October 1, 1996
written by: Colleen Black-Brown
Inspiration@fibrofog.com